Tail

I was cooking my lunch the other day, I always cook lunch, since I often have a few hours off in the middle of the day, and I work 3 minutes away, still it can take me half an hour to get out of work, people talking, asking questions, trying to wrestle me. Anyway, I was cooking lunch the other day, and a fly came buzzing by, at first I wondered what it was doing around these parts at this time of year. Speaking of that, where the hell do flies go in the winter? Do they hibernate, or just sit on the wall like they do at night? Maybe they lurk in maggot form somewhere in the kitchen, which I presume this one had been doing. So it came flying by, it was instantly annoying, the tone of it's buzz indicated that it was retarded in some way, the tone of a slow fly, maybe pregnant, so you know straight away if it lands on you it's going to require more effort than a simple wave of the hand to get rid of it, because it's too useless to react to the risk of being slapped. And then if you do slap it, you have to wear it's guts or whatever they have inside them, which is no too nice. Flies are pretty much black and white, everything is good and bad, nothing in between, if they land on something they don't contemplate it, little sensors in their feet say yes or no, the eyes watch for things coming from other directions, like tea towels or rolled up newspapers, and say yes or no. It flew around, I guess it was looking for a place to lay eggs, and I had enough of it's attitude. So I rolled up a tea towel, this is the most important part, rolling it in a way that I start from the short side and roll at a kind of angle, so the roll starts to turn to the diagonal, creating one thicker end, and a thinner end with a corner as the tip. The final result is that it is shaped like a kangaroo tail, hence the name kanga-tail, and when used for whipping, the little tip gets moving fast enough to draw blood if it is used correctly. Which I have done many times before, but that's another story, well, ok, just quickly, I whipped a guy at the beach once, Greg Tate, he was marching around with his shirt off, so I whacked him in the chest, he started yelling at me calling me a son of a bitch and that, then he noticed the little red drop of blood dribbling down, and was silent. So I guess if you had the patience it would be a lethal weapon, though you might need a few days of solid whipping to kill anyone. There I was with my weapon ready, now where was the culprit? The beauty of flies is that they can just vanish mid flight, if they fly into darkness or light they disappear, but there it was, sitting on the side of the oven. I gave only one shot, there was a gust of wind and some skerics of pepper and food particles bounced around, then the fly was gone, I figured I missed it. But no, there it was, sitting on the wall, looking slightly confused, then i noticed it had half it's guts hanging out it's arse. It tried to fly some more, but i guess the Yes/No control some system was having difficulty trying to work out what this new "guts hanging out" signal was. Then I felt a bit sorry for it, poor guy, there he was, just trying to follow his instructions, not trying to do any harm, confused about the hole in it's arse, probably wishing it could think so it could wonder what to do next. I gave it the sole of my shoe.