Budget Philosophy

Sometimes I wonder if there's already someone in 50 years, who is reading a paragraph somewhere about my life. Is my life even worthy of being condensed into a paragraph? I read somewhere about the present, that it's a kind of illusion, created by our brains as a way to comprehend the universe, it spins me out at times. Time just creeps along, suddenly we realise that it's been a year since something happened, or even longer. This year has been one of those fast ones, maybe they all are fast after 30, but why were they so slow when I was younger? How long is now, this exact moment we are experiencing? Is it a second? A millisecond? Like a frame in a movie, wafer thin slices of time, they all just fly out the window like confetti. Even as I write this, I feel like the first words I wrote a minute or 2 ago are still in the now. But no, they are gone. If you think I'm leading up to something here you are wrong, I'm just waffling. But it is weird that the years took so much longer when I was 15 compared to now. I think it has something to do with routine, when we were young, there was so much we didn't know, yet now we don't really learn much, so it's just day in day out vegetation. Waffle. It could also be something to do with how boring school was, a 40 minute lesson felt like a week in the torture chamber, trying to stay awake and hoping the teacher wouldn't ask me a question coz I had no idea what was going on, and didn't really care either. I remember finishing my English exam in high school, being stoked that I never had to study English again, yet here I am teaching it. I don't mind it now, I think the biggest problem was that I didn't understand what the hell we were supposed to do in English class, I could already speak, and read and write, so what the hell else was there, just trying to fill pages with words, I hated it. But why is it 2007? Why isn't it still 2001? Or whenever, how did it get to here, what is it that stops it from speeding up so suddenly it's 2027? It'll get here pretty soon, and we'll all be spun out about how quickly it happened. My brother and I used to talk about time standing still, and that no one would be able to notice it, we would try to concentrate hard to see if we could catch it happening. Dribble.
It's Autumn now, the days are short, it bums me out. I think I'm ready to get out of here, but I'll be here a while yet, I could do with some warmth though. Yet I bet if I was in Singapore or somewhere I'd be writing bitching about the heat, never satisfied. I think the lame summer added to the misery, constant rain, is it possible to rain every single day? Guess it is. But it's important to enjoy the moment we are in. I think I've been in a kind of hibernation lately, it's kind of funny. I don't care about going out, I don't mind sitting home, as long as I'm doing something, it's usually drawing, well it should be, but an hour of drawing takes me 3 hours to begin, I'm sure it's ADD. If I start thinking and planning, I get lazy in a way, it happens with everyone, if you know you are going to leave soon, you don't bother trying to make contact with people and then there is no point staying at all. It also means I don't bother with things like fixing the light in the bathroom, or the door, coz I know that I'll be gone soon.
But life is ok, I'm content in a way, making some plans, I'm shit at making plans, I always just wait until the last possible moment and then do something. I asked my boss about sending me to Berlin next year, I haven't heard from her yet, but she said it could be possible. That would be kind of cool, but I'm not waiting for it to happen. I should stick to reality and not try to crap on.