Insomniac
Less than 5 hours until I have to get up, tired, yet I can't fall asleep. Seems to happen too much these days, but I know why. Hopefully writing here will bore me to sleep. I told my boss today that I was leaving, that means I'm leaving the whole country, and it scares me, I dunno why, this place isn't perfect, last year I was so keen to go, it would be easy if it was black and white. I've built a life here, and as I get older it gets harder to move on, every time I grow roots, they get harder to rip out again. It's not much of a life, so I don't have much to lose, but I don't really have a plan worked out. I sort of have a goal, that is to go to Berlin, but who knows, I mightn't find it any better, guess I have to try. I think I'm scared of growing up, I always have been, so I refuse to make plans, hoping that the time will never change, then it scares me not to have any plans. Not sure what I'm trying to say, but I'm getting tired. I was lying there in bed and all these crazy thoughts were running through my mind, I couldn't turn them off, typical, stupid brain, it's never there when I need it, got an agenda of its own.
The ringing in my ears doesn't help either. I went to Roskilde on the weekend, the 6th time for me, always different, I guess the first one would be described as the high point of my life, and that was 10 years ago, not that it's been down since, but I think it's the most fun I've ever had. I remember a girl from my camp saying that I was totally out there on drugs, but I hardly even drank there, I was just stoked on the vibe. That means of course when people ask me how the festival was, it was always just ok, nothing lives up to that first one. The ideal thing to do of course is to take each one as it's own individual experience and get the most out of it for what it is. That's the hard thing to do, like now, I get too obsessed with the future, or dwell too much on the past, instead of enjoying today. And sitting up at 2.30am is very enjoyable.
I don't know what the ringing is, very low pitched, maybe something in my inner ear, I wore earplugs all the time, but maybe they've pushed all the wax down the canal and blocked the whole thing, I'll find out tomorrow. The festival itself was actually ok, in contrast to last year, it didn't rain at all, nearly. At the very last minute it started to pour, funny really, just as we were trying to fold the tent it started, couldn't you wait five more minute you bastard? So there was a lot of dust before this, like a rodeo I guess, 95000 or so people walking around on the dry ground for a week kicks up a bit, which might also be what's inside my ears, coz I know for sure I had more than my share up my nose, at the end of each day I could pick out the black chunks, still not as bad as a day on the London Underground. The music was good too, though it seemed all the bands I wanted to see were on the last day, at the same time, damn. I saw some lame metal bands, "Bullet for my Valentine", I got confused with "My Bloody Valentine" which were better and also at the festival. Also a semi boring Swedish one, "At the Gates", then there was "Slayer", which was good metal. I'm no music critic, so I don't know why Slayer was more interesting, but they were. The other 2 seemed kind of cliché, lacking originality, yet Slayer had more energy, more charisma in a way, I don't really even listen to them, but I was able to enjoy the music, even though it was still stupid metal. Then there was Bob Hund, maybe the best in my opinion, and Nick Cave which was good too, Neil Young, well see for yourself. I had my own chair I took with me, so I was able to sit where ever I wanted, even take naps, very often, though with the warm weather the problem of finding a place that isn't mud is eradicated. It's not uncommon to see dudes lying face down in the dirt asleep in the middle of the day. Let's see if I can sleep now.
The ringing in my ears doesn't help either. I went to Roskilde on the weekend, the 6th time for me, always different, I guess the first one would be described as the high point of my life, and that was 10 years ago, not that it's been down since, but I think it's the most fun I've ever had. I remember a girl from my camp saying that I was totally out there on drugs, but I hardly even drank there, I was just stoked on the vibe. That means of course when people ask me how the festival was, it was always just ok, nothing lives up to that first one. The ideal thing to do of course is to take each one as it's own individual experience and get the most out of it for what it is. That's the hard thing to do, like now, I get too obsessed with the future, or dwell too much on the past, instead of enjoying today. And sitting up at 2.30am is very enjoyable.
I don't know what the ringing is, very low pitched, maybe something in my inner ear, I wore earplugs all the time, but maybe they've pushed all the wax down the canal and blocked the whole thing, I'll find out tomorrow. The festival itself was actually ok, in contrast to last year, it didn't rain at all, nearly. At the very last minute it started to pour, funny really, just as we were trying to fold the tent it started, couldn't you wait five more minute you bastard? So there was a lot of dust before this, like a rodeo I guess, 95000 or so people walking around on the dry ground for a week kicks up a bit, which might also be what's inside my ears, coz I know for sure I had more than my share up my nose, at the end of each day I could pick out the black chunks, still not as bad as a day on the London Underground. The music was good too, though it seemed all the bands I wanted to see were on the last day, at the same time, damn. I saw some lame metal bands, "Bullet for my Valentine", I got confused with "My Bloody Valentine" which were better and also at the festival. Also a semi boring Swedish one, "At the Gates", then there was "Slayer", which was good metal. I'm no music critic, so I don't know why Slayer was more interesting, but they were. The other 2 seemed kind of cliché, lacking originality, yet Slayer had more energy, more charisma in a way, I don't really even listen to them, but I was able to enjoy the music, even though it was still stupid metal. Then there was Bob Hund, maybe the best in my opinion, and Nick Cave which was good too, Neil Young, well see for yourself. I had my own chair I took with me, so I was able to sit where ever I wanted, even take naps, very often, though with the warm weather the problem of finding a place that isn't mud is eradicated. It's not uncommon to see dudes lying face down in the dirt asleep in the middle of the day. Let's see if I can sleep now.
posted by Brett at 17:09
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