Goodbye mum. Sorry.

I had a nice evening tonight, after work I met my Japanese exchange/teacher, I was doing ok, I actually managed to put some decent sentences together, seemed like I made sense, still a long way to go, but it's something. I suck at listening, once the pace picks up I'm lost. Then I left and went home, on the way home I ran into a girl I met a few weeks ago, she asked me if I wanted to go with her and her friends to some club, but I was feeling like a bit of a sloth, I stumbled for an excuse, but all I could say was "I'll call if I decide to come (since she gave me her number last time, but I never called), but don't wait for it." Then I got home and checked my email and found out my mum died today. Sorry to just throw it in so bluntly there, it's a shock for me too, I'm still not sure what's going on. Guess it means my plans will be changing, kind of hard to believe, well not kind of, it is, I thought she'd be around for years. I feel a bit bad about it, we hadn't spoken since I left Australia, not a word, not even an email, in nearly 3 months, I was pissed off at her, I've been mad at her for a few years. We kind of drifted apart, I think she saw too much of my dad in me, and passed on her resentment of him to me. I don't know why I was mad at her, it just built up over the years, she worked too hard, always, ever since we were young, she was always at work. I feel I was jealous when other people's mums paid too much attention to them, like my ex girlfriend, who spoke to her parents everyday, yet she seemed irritated about it, yet I was waiting for my phone call every 6 months or so, then I was too hostile to open up. I never knew what to say. Don't take things for granted, at least the last thing I did was give her a hug at the airport and say bye. I wasn't going to publish this, maybe it's wrong for me to write this here, but it still feels like a dream, I opened the email from my dad, and there it was, I walked around the room, read it a few times, thought maybe it was some kind of weird joke, maybe a dream or something. I have no permanent phone, so no one called me, I'm glad it was written in black and white though, better than being told there's something bad and I have to call now. Then I organised skype for a phone call, and it was reality. Death, it could happen to anyone at anytime, make sure you enjoy the moment.

Goodbye mum. Thanks for everything.